Like most anxiety suffers I also have symptoms of depression, however I am lucky enough that my symptoms of depression are low to almost non-existent. Though any time I'm feeling like those depressing feelings are creeping up on me it is a reminder of how far i've come and how capable I am overcoming anxiety and anything.
About 9 years ago I was at my lowest point, I worked a part time job and this was the only thing I left the house for, most of my time was spent in bed sleeping my misery away. I'd cry at random times often overwhelmed by the thoughts in my head. During this time I gained the nickname 'Smiley' because I never smiled. When someone asked me how I was, I would respond, "Crap."
"Why? " I was asked
"Because nothing good had happened." (Of course it didn't with that attitude!)
Soon people stopped asking how I was and most of the time ignored me (which of course didn't help my anxiety since I was already convinced that everyone hated me.) One day it clicked, I realised it was the way I was behaving that was pushing people away, I had a terrible attitude and not only did it suck the happiness out of me but anyone who got to close to me.
I could have just closed my eyes and let myself be stuck in the same place, but I was fueled by a strong determination to overcome depression and be the person I wanted to be. As a kid i'd grown up with a Dad who suffers from depression and anxiety, he would often dwell on all the miseries of his life and missed opportunities, not only did I hate seeing him like this but I could think of nothing more depressing than living a life with no hope for the future and only regret about the past. I needed to feel like I was at least trying to change my situation.
So I set out to change, one step at a time, starting with how I responded people, I made a promise to myself that when someone asked how I am, that no matter how good or bad my day was that I would respond with "I'm good thanks, how are you?" And I was determined to do this not for the benefit of others but because every time I said out aloud that I was good, I felt good on the inside and slowly my attitude started to go from the glass being half empty to half full.
There were many other things I did to change my attitude, I read self help book after self help book, plastered my wall with happy photos, positive quotes and things I liked about myself. But the most significant thing I remember doing that was an instant pick me up was watching Hilary Duff movies and listening to her music while dancing around my living room singing at the top of my lungs - I'm not afraid to admit this because it did what it needed to do for me, it made me feel positive, empowered and happy, - and you really have to do whatever works for you.
It wasn't easy, but I eventually reached a time where I didn't feel weighed down by depression anymore. It was a time where I didn't spend all day in bed, I didn't hate myself, and I started to look forward to the future with hope, and it is for this reason that I know that I can overcome everything - including anxiety. I hope that anyone reading this will be filled with the hope or determination that they too can overcome anything they set their mind to.
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